I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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