He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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