i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Randomize
