Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm always down for nudity.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
