he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
