I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
