U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
