I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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