do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
