He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
