community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
