I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Ladies don't puke and tell
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
