The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
