Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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