i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
