she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
