So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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