dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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