My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Even my vagina gasped.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Randomize
