I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize