a queef is a wish your heart makes.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
