I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
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