I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
