The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
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