She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
