took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
