And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
