hell yes lets make some ravioli
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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