She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
