ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
