was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
