I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
she told me i tasted like america
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
