Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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