I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize