The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
