I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
