why didn't you poke me back
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
