Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
