I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
