I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
