I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
