my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
