I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
