My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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