RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
