Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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