Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
