i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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