yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
