Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
