I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
