I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
