Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
