i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
