guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
