I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
