watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
