Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
