I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
