It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
