Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
