New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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