Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
