So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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