Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
