thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
