happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize