Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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