I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize