if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
The feeling are messing with the penis
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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