The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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