his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
